your red dress.

there was a period in my life in undergrad.
tail end of high school fumbling to beginning of steady footing in all aspects.
i was three years between a high school boyfriend that ended soon after i started first year--and one that began in the last few months of my fourth year.
those three years embodied one of the most evasive periods in my life.
in that i just cant seem to qualify who i was, where i wanted to go.
i talked about two great limbos in my life--post-LSE and post-korea.
those two were huge, in that i knew what i wanted--just had to figure out next steps in getting there.
but the three years in university--those were something else.
had just started journalism.
hated print. even though i was writing for a community paper. school paper.
freelanced an article to the globe and mail, even.
but my heart wasnt in print writing. just creative.
wasnt until i got the two internships summer after third year.
started doing broadcast.
then i knew.
that grey period extended to all areas.
in short--in my opinion--all the boys were just light years behind. mentally, emotionally.
this period was almost four years ago maybe.
just the other day--out of the blue--an apology. recantation? something.
it's weird.
is it bc ive stopped giving a shit re: that aspect of my life that everything has suddenly began coming full circle?

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your red dress

i was thinking of you fondly the other day, you write
your red dress is burned into my cerebellum

you talk about those formative years
how big a fool you were
though we were
both
young, naive

you didnt know
what
you wanted
and i realised later
i wanted
more